Now, I know this is disgusting and I would like to say again that I would never ever tamper with a customer’s food. No matter how badly they pissed me off. There are certain things you never do in this business and one of them is to mess with a customer’s food. I know there are some depictions of this in recent movies, but I can say as a professional these things do not happen. It is taboo.
Having said this, fellow employees and wait staff are fair game. Especially if they have a tendency to make your work life even more difficult than it already is. One of the restaurants I worked at was named Murphy’s. We had a number of the wait staff who were constantly taking food from the window or elsewhere and eating it. They didn’t seem to care if it was destined for a table or a party or whatever. At Murphy’s we served a BBQ sandwich. Of course in this little bistro everything is made from scratch, so after we braise the pork we chill it so all of the fat rises to the surface and congeals. We then skim it off and prepare the pork for service. One day I was pulling the fat off of the pork when I mentioned it looked a little bit like ice cream.
Bob glanced at me and said, “I dare you.”
I knew better. At the same time, there were certain members of the staff who desperately needed to be taught a lesson. I placed a nicely rounded blob of the rendered fat in a small bowl. On top of which I poured a little melted chocolate and topped with a little powdered sugar. It looked like a Sunday ready to go out. Never mind we don’t have Sundays on our menu. We placed the “Sunday” out on the expo line and waited. Not five minutes go by. Jill and George, two of our most infamous sharks swarm in. At this point I head for the back door because I know I will give myself away. They take a cursory look around, don’t see a ticket hanging for it and dig in.
At this point all of the kitchen staff are ducking down below the counters so Jill and George can’t see their faces. Everyone is either laughing or dry heaving. They each took a big spoonful and shoved it in their mouth. Jill actually swallows hers before she realizes it isn’t ice cream then runs out the door for the bathroom. George spits his back out on the plate.
“What the hell is that?”